When is enough, enough? Can too much be enough? How much is too much? These are the deep philosophical questions that I want to ponder in this month’s blog. I think this s a reasonable topic considering we are at the threshold of the holiday season – a time of giving. Of course, the practice of giving conversely implies receiving.
I think it’s fair to point out that giving is often self-indulgent. “I’m giving myself a new barbeque grill for Thanksgiving.” Or “I think it’s time to get that new grand piano I’ve always wanted.” After all, this form of self-indulgence is often the only way to obtain the things one needs, desperately wants, or can’t live without.
The holiday season is also typically a time of overindulgence: too much food, too many sweets, too much alcohol, too much spending. During the rest of the year, if I gluttonously overeat at a meal, I groan, “I feel like I’ve just eaten Thanksgiving dinner.” It’s routinely expected, maybe even a patriotic duty, to consume more on Thanksgiving than is practical or sensible.
Take whipped cream, for example. I used to think of whipped cream as a luxury, something to be consumed only on special occasions. When I was a kid, people made whipped cream, you know -as in actually whipping cream, sugar, and vanilla together. Now, you can buy it in cans or tubs. Now, I use it every day on my fruit as well as on top of most desserts.
I consider whipped cream to be like bacon. There’s nothing that bacon can’t make better. In fact, if you apply both bacon and whipped cream on something like a pancake, it’s, dare I say, orgasmic! My dog, Maxx likes whipped cream too and becomes downright petulant if I don’t let him have his own little ration of the glorious fluffy stuff. So, is that going too far? My friend, Michael, feels the same way about whipped cream as I do and he also gives it to his dogs, so I’m sure it must be okay.
Speaking of whipped cream, I like pumpkin pie and this is the time of year when you’re supposed to eat it. Personally, I like a little pie with my whipped cream, so it’s important to have them both in your house between now and the end of the year. The picture for this month's blog, above, is an example of how it's possible to lose control when applying whipped cream to a slice of pie. Although, I don't see any problem with this pie-to-cream ratio.
At some point over the last few decades, stores like Costco and Sam’s Club changed everything when it comes to pies. Their pies are the size of car tires, which is a good thing. It’s impossible to have a small piece of a Costco pie. You see, there’s no way to cut a small portion without seriously breaching pie-cutting etiquette. So you’re forced to overindulge. Sometimes I wonder how many calories are in a piece of Costco pumpkin pie piled high with a copious mountain of whipped cream. Nutritionists say a normal pumpkin pie with whipped cream is around 550 calories. They obviously did not use a Sam's Club pie for their research.
The apex of overconsumption is, hands down, the orgy of Christmas spending. On the positive side of this spending binge is the huge positive economic impact. In 2023, total holiday retail sales reached - are you ready for this - $957 billion. Now, that is a lot of consumption. Is it too much? Well, it’s the thought that counts as they say but trying to decide what to buy for somebody can be difficult. Oh sure, kids are easy. They are the epitome of hedonism they want everything. Couples newly in love also have no trouble figuring out what to buy each other. Romantic gift ideas are easy to figure out.
I used to buy jewelry for Paula every year. Sure, it was expensive, but it gave her so much joy and represented a heartfelt token of my affection. After several decades of accumulation, however, I realized that the three jewelry boxes needed to contain these gifts were opened with increasing infrequency, the glittering baubles just collecting dust. Perhaps this is an example of too much of a good thing. But what are the gift options now? A new toaster or iron would probably land me in the hospital.
These days, I don’t know what to get anybody for Christmas. Everybody I know either already has everything or they need something I can’t afford. I guess that’s no reason to hold back on buying ‘stuff’ though. There is always some kind of new gadget that everybody ought to have. I’ll end up buying things the recipients don’t need and they’ll have to find a place to put them. I suppose they could re-gift them, which passes the problem on to the next person. I did see a plastic Santa advertised on Facebook recently. When you push a button, he bends over and bubbles pop out of his ass. Now, that's something just about everybody could use. There’s always cash or gift cards, but that seems so impersonal.
My personal needs are simple. All I’m asking for this Christmas is a luxury golf cart. Is that too much to ask? Now that I think about it, I’d also like to ask for world peace. If everybody chipped in, I think we could swing it.
All the things that we accumulate over time create the inherent problem of storage. As I’ve discovered over the years, finding a place to put everything becomes increasingly more challenging. I’m convinced that this is the primary reason why people have garages.
Have you ever noticed that most houses with garages have cars and trucks parked in their driveways? And here’s the odd thing about this; vehicles worth tens of thousands of dollars are sitting out in the weather so that all the junk that they’ve collected can be discreetly stored in their garage. In my neighborhood, most houses have three-car garages, yet you will find 2, 3, or even 4 or more vehicles outside in most driveways. And these are vehicles that cost $60k to $140K. What’s in your garage?
When Paula and I were going through the process of figuring out everything we needed to consider in the process of selling the ranch, we were forced to confront the monumental amount of ‘stuff’ we owned: everyday stuff like old clothing, mementos, and things crammed in guest room closets, storage sheds, and nooks and crannies. We’d used our garage as a winery, so there was a lot of winery junk stored there (the wine unfortunately was long gone). We had a barn and tack room full of stuff. The list of stuff was daunting. What were we thinking? Was it even possible to move?
We diligently divested ourselves of superfluous possessions and swore to be more abstemious about future acquisitions. When we moved into our new home in Florida, we vowed to keep our three-car garage free of stuff we didn’t need. So far, so good. The need to accumulate, however, is strong. When I recently went to one of our guest rooms to hang a few shirts and pants that I don’t often wear, thereby creating more room in my master bedroom closet, I discovered the spacious guest closet was already crammed with items seldom, if ever, used.
Our kitchen is filled to capacity with kitchen utensils, appliances, tableware, and things that I cannot identify specifically. Paula recently told me that she thought we should get an Instant Pot.
“What’s an Instant Pot?”
“It does all kinds of things. It’s like a rice cooker, pressure cooker, slow cooker, yogurt maker, and more.”
“I don’t know about the yogurt maker, but we already have all those other things.”
“Yes, but this is the latest thing. Everybody is using them.”
“Where will you put it?
Ah, there’s the problem. The kitchen cabinets are full. The two closets in the garage are full, as is the attic, and there are a dozen life-size Halloween skeletons lining the back wall of the garage waiting for a place to rest in peace.
When is too much, too much? Perhaps this is more of a rhetorical question best left to philosophers and theologians.
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone. Christmas is just around the corner and New Year's resolutions will solve all your problems.